OYM Day 9: Existential Crisis Or ADHD?

I wonder too much. Is this a thing? I recently got into an argument with a friend and when the dust finally settled, and we were able to get on the phone to talk about what happened… I noticed it. She simply asked “why are you upset?” and about 14 minutes later, I was out of breath and embarrassed.

While I could pin-point what upset me, I could also see what past experiences fueled these emotions. I could also see how there may have been liberties taken in the tone in which texts were read. I could put myself in her shoes, too, and see how crowded her plate was. I saw my place on that plate. I was probably taking up too much space. “What about my plate?”, I wondered. Can someone really see their own plate, or does it stretch to the horizon from their perspective? Maybe some people’s plates are bigger than others. Now I’m talking about plates, when I should really be talking about how I hypothesize until I’m dizzy (and talk with my hands a little too much).

It’s never black and white for me. Everything is murky. I believe in facts. But I also believe in mistakes. And I also believe that there are likely facts that are based on mistakes. This is where the problem lies.

This is not the same as believing in “alternate facts”. Calling something a fact to fit a narrative or agenda is just…well…dangerous.

That’s me on the left… clearly overthinking what to do in a group photo.

Still, it is never easy for me to conclude something. As human beings we are just too complicated. Don’t get me started on how little we know of our own brains, our own bodies… and what we can comprehend of the world/s around us.

I guess it just seems that I’m having an existential crisis a few times a day. Is anyone else like this? Please say yes. One thing I can’t argue is how people feel. Sure, we could discuss why you feel that way. But I can’t argue that you’re feeling something. I can’t decide what you’re feeling, but if you tell me, I’ll take it as gospel. Now…how we are all letting our emotions drive our lives is a totally different story that we can get into later (we have some awful thought patterns, guys).

This trait of mine likely makes me an exhausting friend (also, my poor husband). I’m sure someone will just private message me that I’ve got ADHD. I wonder what kind of person I could be if I could see things so definitively. I wonder if I could be making a bigger impact instead of questioning why making an impact is so important to the individual. Sigh.

At the end of the day I can only do what feels like me. I can’t tell you if it’s right or wrong. I’m just opening my mouth and…you know the rest.