Older Baby
Hey OYM&TM fam-
Thought I’d give a brief update on what’s going on, where I’ve been, and what the hell is going on.
We recently moved to Apex, North Carolina from Las Vegas. It wasn’t an easy decision to uproot, but we knew long term we wanted something different for us. We are slowly adjusting to full force humidity, mosquitos, and living in a construction zone while we take care of some home updates. But at the same time we are enjoying the many festivals our town hosts, kayaking the abundant lakes and rivers, and Vivian is thoroughly enjoying summer camp at the farm, where she feeds animals, gardens, and explores the outdoors with a small crew of 3 foot hellions.
I also lost both my father and step-father in a span of about 6 months and even now, I’m just seeing there is a way out of the fog, although I still can’t quite get close enough. It’s funny how you think you’ll know how you’ll handle something like that. I thought I’d be quick to compartmentalize it and maybe even pretend it never happened (with my father, in particular), but instead I sit here, usually unaware of what time it is, constantly wandering down passages of my mind that tell me how it could have been different. I still want, plan, and honestly need to talk about those losses, but I need to get out of the fog first.
I logged back in to my info@oymandtrustme.com email (drop me a line!) and saw some sweet messages…some from people I knew, some from people I didn’t. I realized I can’t just disappear and not just because a few people might miss my random stories, but mainly because I don’t want to. I like writing and I like sharing this part of myself with you guys. I have to remind myself that I exist and am allowed to take up space in this vast, vast void. Plus, what the heck am I going to do with all these jokes I have written in my phone and in journals piled up in my bedside drawer?
So, I’ve been packing. I’ve been moving. I’ve been unpacking. I’ve been enjoying our new surroundings while trying to not take stock of a family photo growing smaller, and smaller.
And I get it. I sound like a baby. Everyone moves! Everyone loses someone they love! I never said I was unique. This is just the way I’m dealing with things, which seems to be different than I imagined years ago.
Maybe I’m being a baby. Maybe not. Does it matter? What’s that great quote?
“When you’re 20 you care what everyone thinks, when you’re 40 you stop caring what everyone thinks, when you’re 60 you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place.”
Just moving through life the best I know how. I hope you’ll all stick with me. I’m having one of those feelings again that things are about to get good. - Cassie
