OYM Day 1: Open Your Mouth…and trust me
I have often felt misunderstood. I have a hard time articulating how I feel, because a lot of the time I’m still swimming in an emotion or twelve and trying to figure out how the hell I can get out of this pool and dry off. A friend shared with me the idea of the 100 Day Project and I saw it as an opportunity to give my inner narrator a chance at the mic, for 15 minutes a day, for the next…you guessed it…100 days.
(That’s me in the yellow with a lap full of pizza and an inability to smile for a camera. Still holds true.)
Whether it’s changing how we feel to fit the audience we’re in front of or filtering what we’re about to say to keep up with the meticulously crafted versions of ourseveles that we’ve created… it’s like we’re pouring ourselves through an old Brita water pitcher that’s been blinking at you to change the filter for 6 months and you keep forgetting, but you keep telling yourself that the water still tastes cleaner…better. Even just a little bit.
I love my inner monologue. Do you? Even if the thoughts that take a seat with me aren’t my most favorite, I still see them and can figure out how they got let into the building. But I hate my narrative…the story that I use to explain who I am to others. The elevator pitch that sums me up, take it or leave it, in 2 minutes or less. That thing is dusty. Simple. Generic. Small town girl that wanted to travel the world and has been classified by her friends as “funny”, “weird”, and “quirky”? Gross. And not me at all. Typing “small town” and “travel” in the same sentence gives me a visceral reaction.
My 15 minutes are already up and I’m wondering how I’m going to wake up before my house does every day for the next 99 days and do this. But I’m going to try. I’m not expecting to churn out excellent writing. If anything, this is going to be a mediocre diary. But that’s not the point. The point is to develop my skills and give myself a creative outlet. It’s also a chance for me to get to know myself. Besides, who doesn’t want to be heard? And I mean really heard?
Open your mouth and trust me. It’s what my mind says to my body daily. And now, everyday, my body is going to listen.